When You’re Told To Be Prince Charming, But You Want To Be Captain Harlock

I think its time that we kill the Prince Charming archetype. When you break it down, the very idea is toxic: A man that only springs to action after crossing paths with a woman he hardly knows outside of a passing glance and is smitten solely due to the beauty of the damsel in distress, or in more modern incarnations an empty one-dimensional foil that exists merely to rile up the love interest and provide some sort of conflict without any sort of depth.

That’s incredibly stupid. It doesn’t help that mass media has played a part in relentlessly pushing the archetype as the ideal male partner, even with the strides that are being made to make the idea obsolete.

From magazines to TV and even online advice columns, it seems that Prince Charming still dominates as the ideal, although they may not refer to it explicitly as such, choosing to use coded language to mask the fact that such an ideal is not only unrealistic, but that any man that doesn’t live up to those standards is less than a man.

In contrast, a character like Captain Harlock represents everything I want to be, a hero and a friend. Not a hero with superpowers, but someone that can muster the strength and conviction to fight against evil without fear and help his friends. That’s the kind of person I try to be every day. I may not always be successful, but every time I do manage is like a victory for me.

Even though Harlock himself represents another ideal, that of the stoic rebellious hero, he’s still flawed and imperfect since he has to be convinced that the humanity is worth saving. He initially only fights for himself and only after he listens and takes the words of his best friend and his other friends to heart does he decide to open up and defend humanity, discovering that his nobility and his friends shaped the hero he became.

Prince Charming has no friends, only being focused on the damsel in distress. Being solely focused on saving the damsel in distress is the wrong way to go about things, especially when once she’s saved, Prince Charming has nothing left to save. What kind of existence is that? If fitting into the outdated mold of Prince Charming somehow makes me an ideal man, then I want no part of it. I have no reason to fit into that mold when I don’t agree with those ideals. I’d rather be a hero and a legend instead.

Dealing With Sexuality As A Disabled Latino

As an adolescent and adult, I’ve had to deal with coming to terms with my disability. While I live with a particularly mild form of Cerebral Palsy that mainly only affects my left arm and motor control in my left hand, the outward perception of the condition is exacerbated by the fact that my arm wants to naturally tighten up against my left side and not stay at my side, as it naturally would, leading to awkward appearances.  Add a spastic, awkward gait to the mix and you get a sense of my daily life filled with constant adjustments and workarounds.

Being self-aware enough to understand these limitations also brings with it a lot of emotional and psychological issues, such as a negative self-image and low self-esteem. Those haven’t really gone away, despite constant positive reinforcement. When you grow up in a culture that forces you in a tiny box of rigid rules regarding masculinity without much freedom, those aforementioned issues become magnified to the extent that any failure to stay within those rules garners extreme disdain and questions about your life.

Since I’m a Mexican male, I’m supposed to be tall and strong, so that I can go work hard to save money to buy a house, find a wife and live peacefully. Before all that, I’m supposed to enjoy chasing women, getting drunk on the weekends and generally destroying myself, because that’s all there seems to be in life according to how I was raised.

Now how do you apply those rules to someone that will never be able to do backbreaking manual labor because of a disability, is shorter than average, and has only his mind and his wits as his tools? You really can’t force those rules on someone like me without lasting damage.

I’ve been dealing with the emotional and mental aftermath for years and as a result, I’ve never been able to date without constant self-doubt and fear of rejection. Whenever I do manage to date someone, it usually doesn’t last very long, mostly due to a lack of a deeper connection.

It doesn’t help that while I struggle to date, I try to find outlets for my sexuality and romantic desires, usually through porn, roleplay and 2D worship, and man does that get old when all you want is reciprocal physical intimacy and sexual validation from the opposite sex, but those feelings have to go somewhere, otherwise keeping them pent up would make me miserable.

I would like no more than to be seen as a sexual being and to be seen as an equal when it comes to matters of intimacy. Having a disability doesn’t mean I don’t have the same desires for sexual activity and intimacy as anyone else reading this, I’m still as human as any of you.

I still keep trying to date because I still have hope that I will have these experiences, which many don’t even think twice about. I also hope that having these experiences will make the constant feeling of invisibility go away, because I don’t want to be romantically and sexually invisible anymore.

Some of you might think that I’m putting too much weight behind all of this and you might have a point, if I were a normal, healthy guy. I’m not quite normal and my health has always been in question from the day I was born, so I hope you can forgive me for being so adamant about my state of mind and feelings on this subject, because it’s a big deal, at least for me.